Mission Accomplished!

31 days makeup free

31 days of having to see

  31 days of finding my power

Then wanting to hide in a faraway tower

But as the days passed by I began to discover

 That underneath it all was my long lost lover

Eyes of clear blue that saw deep in my heart

And spoke words of commitment to the most broken parts

She spoke of my courage, my wisdom, my strength

And to grant me my freedom she would go to great lengths

For this self imposed prison, I've been granted the key

Stepped through gates of love and at last embraced me!

I began this blog journey with a quote from a FAR greater poet - 

"Love is not love which alters when alteration it finds" ~ William Shakespeare

True beauty is seen through the eyes of love and what I've learned throughout this month is that to love myself is to see myself as I am, blemishes and all, and know that I am beautiful.  Advertisers would have us think differently.  "Go ahead love yourself, but wouldn't be easier if you had less wrinkles?  Or dewy skin?"

Now, is that to say that women who wear makeup don't love themselves?  OF COURSE NOT!  

But for some and certainly for me it was so.  

I think of another quote that I have also become more deeply connected with this month.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, GORGEOUS, talented fabulous?  Actually, who are you NOT to be!" ~ Marianne Williamson

See, for me, putting on makeup or finding the right fitting clothes, or shoes, or accessories, or whatever, was all about me saying, 'I have no right to be gorgeous, or even somewhat attractive, as I am'.  Who am I to walk into a room and have people notice?  So I apologize and fix myself in order to fit in, to meet the correct standards so that I can exist in the world.  Meanwhile, inside me there is wisdom and insight, humor and music, intelligence and truth.  But none of that mattered because the package never seemed suitable.  

Now I'd love to report that I have been completely transformed.  That after 31 days of seeing myself I have had a life changing epiphany and will never wear makeup or feel small again but alas, it is not so.  If there's one thing I've learned this month is that, this is a complex and deeply rooted issue.

But I'm certainly not where I was 31 days ago.  Indeed, 32 days ago I knew the only way I could do it was the fact that I had announced to so many people that I was going to do this in an effort to change the world.  I had to put my money where my mouth was and I am so glad that I did.  I realised that it IS possible.  And that there is so much to be learned in doing it.  

I wanted to spark conversations, get people thinking and that has happened.  And mostly I wanted to know that I could truly see myself and not apologize.  I also wanted us to find out what emerges when we start swimming up the stream of perfection.  What would we bump up against when casting aside our makeup or whatever we use to cover our perceived imperfections. 

One strange thing that I did notice, that I can't quite put my finger on, is that I found it easier to truly embrace my reflection without makeup.  Maybe, because I was no longer hiding behind the made up veneer, I was forced to see myself as I truly am and, I have to say, I was kinda happy with what I saw; what I see.  

I am a complex organism made up of many many cells all with their unique function to make me a walking, talking, thinking, feeling, human being.  I am complete with thoughts, spirit, emotion and energy.  My purpose in this world is to awaken the truth in others.  To inspire people to choose life (not necessarily in that anti-abortion way but rather in the, make choices that will move your life forward in the direction you desire way) and choose love (as in love for yourself and love for others cause if you truly loved then you would truly want the best for yourself and for others) in every moment (as in THIS moment because THIS moment is the only moment we have, it is the only thing that is NOW, that is real and that is tangible.  It is in THIS moment that everything can change.  Not the past moment and not the future moment, NOW).  

And none of this has anything to do with what I look like.  It will not change if I'm wearing lipstick or not.  Okay sure, the world will embrace me differently but I choose to believe that I have the power to change that.  One month at a time!

So thank you everyone for your support - whether from the sidelines, or by letting your true radiance show or even by financially supporting the cause that I am also hoping to support - Juno House.  

This has been a great beginning and it is only the beginning.  Stay with me and together we will change the world for the better, for ourselves, for those who went before us and those that will follow in our path.  Let's continue to be the change in a world that so desperately needs truth, love and acceptance.   

What Do You Hate?

Ahhh, it's the classic make you feel better tactic used the world over.  The "I can out self-deprecate you".  How many times have you been woefully mourning the lack of an endowed bosom only to have a friend chime in saying "I wish I had smaller boobs, try buttoning these melons into a nice blouse" or longing for perfect bouncy ringlets only to have another friend cry out for straight hair.  It's the greener grass of beauty.

As I was at my local grocers this week one of the more popular "Celebrity News"magazines popped out at me with an article - "Celebs Confess: What I Hate about my body".  I had to buy it cause I just knew it was gonna give me some great material for No Makeup May.  I paid $5.49 for what I'm sure was intended to make all us "normal" women feel better cause, guess what?

• Jessica Alba hates her boobs
• Jennifer Love Hewitt hates her hips
• Cameron Diaz hates her hair
• Jennifer Aniston hates her butt
• Kim Kardashian hates her legs
• and the one that tops them all.........Angelina Jolie hates her lips!!! Her lips?  How much bloody camera and ink time has been dedicated to her full voluptuous lips?!?!  

There! Don't you feel better?  

These women who we have been told, over and over again, are examples of "true beauty" don't even like parts of themselves.  What the hell is wrong with this picture?!?!  This doesn't make me feel better! I look at their beautiful bodies that have been flaunted in television and magazines and am painfully aware that I look NOTHING like them!  So if they hate what they've got well it's time to start reading "Agoraphobia for Dummies" cause there's no way I'm goin outside again!

But seriously, the saddest part I find about this article that sprawled across the two page spread, over top photos of these beautiful women are the words "I HATE MY...".  How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror or in conversation with friends and said "I hate my thighs, or my nose, or my ass."  We isolate each body part, creating enemies of our under arms, our breasts, our whatever.

But here's a different perspective, every part of your body is yours to do with what you will.  Your ass did not decide one day to detach itself and go live the hi life while you slaved away at the gym.  Hating it will not somehow magically transform it into the most beautiful posterior the world has ever seen.  How can we ever love our bodies if it is hate that motivates us to alter or improve it?  Don't run 10km, 5 times a week to get rid of your jiggly tummy, run 10km because it strengthens your heart, and stretches your lungs and moves your muscles.  Stop forcing broccoli down your throat so you can "pull off" that sexy dress but because it is what your body longs for in order to function.  

I wish articles like this never made it to print.  I wish it was no longer acceptable to hate any part of who we are.  It's time to make peace with ourselves and to fall in love again with the body that has served us as well as we have allowed it to.  

My challenge is for all of us to spend even 2 minutes focusing in on our "trouble spots".  Then begin to let your focus take in everything around that spot until you are seeing yourself complete and whole.  And from there look into your soul and see the real you - whole, creative, natural, beautiful, potential incarnate. 

The Essence of Beauty

*this photo was taken a year ago so please ignore the fact that I'm wearing makeup :)

If I am 20 pounds lighter someone will love me.  If my skin is clearer someone will love me.  If I drive a sexy new car someone will love me.  If I carried a $5000 purse someone will love me. 

How many conditions do we put on being considered worthy of love?  Can we do enough? Buy enough? Work enough?  Give enough?  And what is enough?  And since when was love something to be earned? The beauty of love is that it is given freely.  

If we lose those 20 pounds or if those pimples finally clear up, are we smarter? are we funnier? are we more compassionate? Are we more brave?  I dare say the only thing a "perfect" exterior gives you is the confidence to look people in the eye and be counted as equal.  But what if you could do that no matter what? 

I think of a friend who I've watched fluctuate over 100 pounds throughout the years.  To me she was always the same whether she had lost 100 pounds or put it back on.  The only time I realised her weight had changed was when I saw a before photo.  The eyes of this beholder saw was her amazing essence.  Everything that she is, which is brilliant, insightful, inspiring, cute, playful, flirtatious and fun.  Her weight never changed who she truly was.  

You are beautiful, not because you achieved the proper measurements or finally tamed your blemishes or saved up enough for the perfect outfit.  

You are beautiful simply because you are.  

You Are.  

Mothers Be Good to Yourselves, We Might Be Watching

I recently watched a documentary that explained how throughout pregnancy and during the birthing process large amounts of a certain hormone is released in the mother that actually makes her extra protective over the small vulnerable life that is about to enter the world.  A woman's body is automatically equipped to do everything to protect their child.  

One thing I think many mothers fail to protect their daughters from, however, is the endless judgement they place on themselves.  They think their daughters aren't watching when they look dejectedly in the mirror as they slip into last year's swim suit, that their little ears don't understand what crows feet and cellulitis mean.  But we know and we learn.  Parents can say "do as I say" but kids will still do as you do.   

I learned from my mother to take note of the size of my thighs, to worry about the small veins that are starting to appear on my legs, to make sure my heals are smooth and moisturized, to try drinking coconut milk so I lose weight.  I didn't learn this because she told me I needed to work on these things;  I learned it from listening to her own heart breaking criticisms and attempts at physical self improvement.  

When i think of my mom, however, I think of how she used to let me swing between her legs when she sat in her housecoat - I don't really know how to describe how this worked, it just did and it was awesome - I think of how she would make finger tracks in the carpet when she vacuumed so I could jump from one to the next; I think of how she bought a ticket to a football game just to hear me sing the national anthem; I think of how she works so hard and is so lovely that everyone is in admiration when they meet her; I think of how she continues to sacrifice herself for her family even when her children are grown.  How dare anyone say that she color her hair, or drop a few pounds or buy $100 product to tighten her skin but this is what the endless litany of commercials, magazine articles and television shows would tell her. 

And if she believes that of herself, how am I supposed to believe that I'm perfect and beautiful just the way I am when I have her eyes, her skin, her thighs?  

Mother's, don't take for granted that little eyes are watching you, little ears hear you and they drink in everything you are because, to them, you are just as beautiful and perfect as you think they are.  Teach your daughters to love themselves as they are by loving yourself completely.  See yourself through the eyes of your children when you were their greatest hero - so if your kids are teenagers, try to think back to that time before your were just the person out to ruin their lives :P

Happy Mother's Day - You are beautiful!

How Do You Greet Yourself in the Morning

Day 10! You'd think I'd make it to work on time with all the extra time I gain not doing my makeup!

So I came across this video today and I thought to myself...

When you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, do you greet yourself like

THIS ?

Or

THIS?

Which will you choose when you wake up tomorrow?

The Knockoff Syndrome

We are paying to put on beauty, meanwhile our true beauty remains diminished.  The reason why we consider things like clear skin, shiny hair and a slender body as beautiful is because, at the most fundamental level of our innate instincts is the need to procreate with a healthy mate that will carry our DNA to the next generation.  It boils down to survival of the fittest.  

What has happened, however, in the past century is that we have learned to fake health.  The quality of our food continues to diminish and disappear and our level of activity has become a recreational option.   We treat our bodies with little respect or thought for what it actually needs to function at its optimal level yet we are still able to look completely "healthy".  It's like finding a perfect knockoff for a Coach bag - you appear to own the luxury without actually paying for it. 

And the beauty industry has tapped into it.  You wanna eat what you want, drink what you want, live as hard as you want and still look great?  Then buy our product!  A friend pointed out the clever wording that advertisers use - "Healthy Looking".  Be it skin, hair, body, name it.  But is healthy looks as healthy does?  What are we really buying when we shell out $80 for that skin cream that promises a glowing even complexion?  I submit to the court that we are buying a lie.  And even worse, most of these products are so riddled with toxins that we're harming our bodies even more by using them.   You know what gives glowing clear skin?  Hint, it didn't come from a lab but you could grow it if you wanted to. 

But who wants to eat fresh vegetables and fruits and lean meats and beans and grains, it's all so hard and confusing.  Just give me a pill and hand me my diet Coke, I got no time to figure that stuff out.  

We live in a society where we have traded in our health for the quick fix.  We've so disconnected from our bodies that we leave it to doctors, magazine articles and makeup products to carry us through life so that we don't actually have to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions.  That is until our doctor tells us we've developed cancer, or diabetes or we see our pale drawn complexion in the morning before we can paint on the facade.  

 Do we want to just look healthy or do we actually want to be healthy?  Our skin is the last thing to get nutrition.  So what is your skin telling you?  As you see yourself makeup free, start to connect with your body, with what it's telling you it needs.  Begin to see your body, not as a flawed reject from the manufacturer but as the miracle that is you.  Everything that goes on in your body in every second is a miracle.  As I sit here and type I think of all that is going on between my brain, my fingers, my cognitive and sub-concious thought.  Our bodies are a thing to be admired and celebrated, not picked apart and "fixed".  

I challenge you now to close your eyes and place your hand upon your heart.  Feel it beat as it pumps life giving blood to every inch of your body.  Feel your breath go in and out without thought.  Become aware in this moment of how many thoughts your brain can sort through in a second all while making sure everything is working as it should.  Take this moment and honour your body and with that thought look at yourself in the mirror and acknowledge the miracle you are.  

You are no knockoff - You are a miracle!

  

The Beauty of Gratitude

Tonight I took my makeupless face to a club to hear my friends band, 8 Bit Dynasty.

 Little plug, download their EP from Itunes for only $2.99!

8 Bit Dynasty

I've known this gifted group of musicians for years, some of them for over a decade.  I met them as students at the college where I once worked as liaison for the music program.  Most of them, at some point, sat in my office and shared their lives, their hopes, their struggles, their dreams and their jokes with me.  Some I worked closely with, toured with, some I watched develop at a distance.  And there they all were together on stage sounding amazing and my heart was filled with gratitude.

Gratitude for the opportunity I've had to be in their lives.  Gratitude for the smiles they greet me with when I show up.  Gratitude for knowing glances when inside jokes are made.  Gratitude for all the laughter I've shared with each of them.  Gratitude for allowing me to be me and gratitude for the music they have brought into this world.

What does this have to do with No Makeup May?  Absolutely everything!  For tonight they were the mirror through which I saw myself.  Tonight I saw myself as the person who inspired them, who they admired, the person they want to share their funny stories with, to make me laugh, the person to be a witness to their greatness.  I am the person who is beautiful without makeup, I am a musician, an artist, a friend.  

I have said that I wish I could see myself as others see me because then I might see myself more truly.  My eyes dart too quickly to the rolls on my sides, the circles under my eyes or the 

dimples in my thighs (huh, that rhymed).  But these people, my friends, see me and I'm pretty confident they think I'm pretty swell.  And perhaps if I spend less time obsessing about every little physical flaw and more time on the love of my friends and the love I can give back to them, then maybe, just maybe, I will begin to see what they see when they look at me.  

Day Six - Welcome Back Sun!

It's a beautiful Sunday day.  After hiding from us for the past week the sun is out again so I am out to enjoy it!

So I will leave you with an interesting article by Dan Pearce from his very interesting site "Single Dad Laughing"

Please enjoy, reflect, discuss.

Worthless Women and Men Who Make Them by Dan Pearce

Do You Talk to Your Mother With That Language?!

Day 5 is a gloomy lazy day, perfect for watching a documentary.  Today's selection?

Hungry For Change

I give it 5 out of 5 for every day I've made it without makeup. 

Much like Miss Representation, Hungry For Change deals with the diet industry and the lies it feeds us (pun intended) to fund a multi-billion dollar industry. 

What's the key to losing weight?

"I accept myself unconditionally right now!"

Something I've been repeating to myself throughout this no makeup process.

And I was reminded of an assignment I created some years ago from a self deprecating conversation I was having with a friend. I was berating myself for, who knows what, my meal choice, my man choice, whatever, and she stopped me and said, with no lack of passion, "would you talk to anyone the way you talk to yourself?!".  Answer is, of course not!  Which got me thinking, what are the things I say to myself on a constant basis?

So I went home, grabbed my journal and began to create a list of all the negative things I was saying to myself at the time - I wish I had a funkier wardrobe, why can't I just lose weight, my skin is a mess, why do I still obsess over that guy?! and on it went until I had 40 things written down on my list that I held against myself.  

The assignment was simple.  Each day I would take one item from the list and address it as though I was speaking to a friend.  Why this works for me is because I give FAR greater grace and understanding to my friends when they are struggling then I give to myself.  

I'd like to say the assignment instantly turned my life around as I began to swim in a sea of self love but the truth is, the list actually took a couple of years to complete.  I'd forget about it or, more truthfully, avoid it but it always lingered in my mind and I would be reminded of it every time I'd hear a friend say, "you're so hard on yourself".  

This year I finally completed it because, more and more, I desired the same acceptance and love for myself that I bestowed on others.  The funny thing is, looking back at some of the things that were on my list I thought "Really? that made it on there?! I was actually holding that against myself?"

In the end I found, and continually find,  the grace to be me.  And as I forgive myself for all the things I'm not, I have begun to really become aware of all the things I am!  

I go back to the quote I used on my original post.  "Love is not love which alters when alteration it finds".  What this says to me is that, through the eyes of true love there is only acceptance and grace. 

 Most mothers when they look at their child see only pure beauty and wonder.  If someone were to come and suggest a few areas they could tweak, she would lunge at their throats like a lioness protecting her young - just ask my teacher friend when she suggests that a student perhaps needs some learning assistance to a parent!  The love of a parent is unconditional. 

So I accept myself unconditionally because I love me! I'm fun and I have really cool friends and I sing when punching in my pin number at Tim Hortons and I've had the opportunity to impact people's lives and I'm a hard worker and I like art and well, enough about me.

So my challenge to you, my No Makeup Maykers, as you go through this month and as you see yourself, maybe for the first time, look through the eyes of love.  Let's stop being our own worst critic and start being our own best lovers!

Day 4 - Shut The Front Door!

Woke up this morning really wishing I didn't have to go into work.  Little insecurity hangover if you will.  All part of the process!  

But it's Friday!!! So I've decided to have a little fun and create a top ten list of things to do with the time you have left over from not doing your makeup!

1.  Top of my list - hit snooze ___ times 

(dependent on how much time you gain without doing your makeup.

2.  Read a book - also dependent on how much time you normally spend on your makeup

3.  Play a round of Draw Something

4.  Sleep In

5.  Write an email or text a beautiful woman you know and tell her why she's beautiful!

6. Take those extra minutes in the shower and do some belly button maintenance. 

7. Sleep longer

8.  Pet an animal - it lowers blood pressure which you might need depending on how you feel about not wearing makeup.  

9.  Write down a list of 10 things that are awesome about you!

10.  Did I mention you can sleep in longer?

Happy Weekend!  

Can't wait to sleep in!

Day 3 - Shouldn't this be Getting Easier?!

I just cannot write this post tonight!  I have been wading in the pool of insecurity and I don't want anyone to see me in my bathing suit ofshame. 

Shame that I succumbed to all that I am trying to change - the notion that a woman is only valuable if she looks good.

This is not supposed to get harder!  But when I was reminded that my company had planned a big social event for the office today, suddenly I found myself trying to weasel out of going.  "I've been really busy, I just need a night at home" I told myself but I knew deep inside that there was no way I wanted to be in a social setting with my "fresh" face.  Because today my face felt less "fresh" and more seriously lacking in makeup.  But a coworker challenged me saying that this is what it's all about.  Easy for her to say, she "forgot" about NMM and put makeup on this morning!

I mean, I think I'm pretty cool.  I'm smart, super funny, inspiring, creative and I can belt out a broadway tune like nobody's business.  But tonight all I could think was "why did I start this stupid thing?!  Somebody please give me some makeup!".  Now I didn't completely fail.  I still managed to put myself out there.  I engaged in some great conversations, cracked some jokes, yet all the while I kept hearing the sound track of inadequacy playing softly in the background.  Tonight the only thing that mattered was what I thought everyone else might be thinking of me.  

And yet, having just written that I'm reminded of something I have heard at various points in my life in various forms.  I've selected David Foster Wallace's take on it -

"You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do"

How egotistical can you get, really?  Thinking that someone is spending every moment thinking about me.  Truth is, most people are just thinking of the next thing that's coming out of their mouth and if i just shut off my own inner monologue and listen to what they have to say I just might find out that there are far more interesting things to listen to then the old worn out lie of a story that plays in my head. 

Like the story of a guy who was working on his own out in the field and got his pinky caught in some equipment and when he realized that he was on his own and no help would be coming he decided to "free" himself from said pinky using a friggin' credit card!!!!  Now that's something worth hearing about and is definitely another article in the making....but not for this blog :)

   

Day 2 - Be The Change!

So the week after I decided to create No Makeup May I was asked to do a presentation to 40 of my co-workers.  Awesome!  I love speaking in public! When's the meeting?  May 2nd......May 2nd?  Really?  Really!  And these are our field guys right?  GUYS?  Oh well, time to put my money where my mouth is!

The thing I realized was, when I was doing my thang, focusing on what I was there to do, there wasn't room to think about how I looked.  I became focused on what I wanted to communicate to the world and not whether my hair was perfect.

But the lesson I want to share from today is the frustration I feel when I hear "Things will never change".  Wow, really?!?!

I've heard this a few times including today, "You can't change things, it's too big, people will always think that way".  The person with which I was having this conversation, a woman, no less, explained how she got hired for a job, not because she was competent but because, and the employer actually told her this, she looked better.  And she agrees with it!  "It's just the way life is".

Then I think of all the people who refused to accept status quo and turned entire nations around!   I know it's extreme to compare this to what Martin Luther King Jr.,  Rosa Parks or Ghandi accomplished  but then I think of the young girls who are literally starving themselves to death in order to look like the women they see in magazines  and the women who have permanently scarred and disfigured themselves to stop aging or get that pouty look and I think, yeah, this is important!

You may argue, however, that these women have a choice to do that to themselves.  Yes, I agree.  No one is withholding food from anorexics and no one is forcing a 40 year old to go under the knife, but I will argue that if you watch TV for just 2 hours you will see the bombardment of ads pushing products designed to make us fit into some ideal - lose weight, get healthy glowing hair, whiter teeth, full plump long luscious lashes and on and on and on.  

Which is why, for just one month, I refuse to believe that we can't change things.  500 years ago people looked at a size 13 pale skinned woman and thought - that is beauty.   Almost 100 years ago society praised the boyish thin figure of a flapper girl.  Did bodies change or is it the lens through which we judge beauty?  I vote the latter and as long as I believe things can change I will do all that is in me to, as Ghandi said, be the change I so want for this world.  For the sake of all the beautiful girls who abandon their dreams of becoming lawyers, doctors, senators, mothers, in order to be "beautiful".  I don't want to have to suit up my currently non-existent daughter in the armour so she doesn't succumb to societal pressure, I want to create a world where who she is valued in front of what she looks like.

Even the smallest pebble can send ripples across an ocean.

Day 1 - This Isn't So Hard!

The curse has been lifted!  24 years ago a friend decided to play makeup artist on my face.  I remember how foreign it felt on my skin, like I was wearing clown makeup.  How quickly, however it became my permanent mask.

There has always been a part of me that curses that moment for it was on that day that my natural face no longer lived up to what an inch of foundation, and tonnes of mascara and eyeliner could do - make me not look like my plain self.  And over the decades I have looked longingly at women who could go without.  How free they looked, how they glowed.  I kid you not, I worked at a dry cleaners once and a customer came in and as we chatted she grabbed a small tube of lotion from her purse and rubbed it all over her face!!!  SHE PUT IT ON HER FACE!!!!  "What about her makeup?!?!", a tiny voice inside me cried.  I was so envious, "that is Utopia", I thought.

But today I am one of those women!!!  I walked out of my house without a smidge of camouflage on.  Out in the open for the beauty terrorists to attack and I survived!  All those visions I had of people screwing up their faces as they looked at me, or being stopped by some TV crew wanting to give me a makeover cause I was too tired and haggard looking melted away.  No panic attack, no crying fits.  In fact I proudly looked people in the eye and said hello with my naked face bared for all to see.

And how beautiful when co-workers and friends checked in to encourage me...or maybe partially out of curiosity to see if I'd actually gone through with it.  And also to see some of the beautiful women letting their true faces show for all their colleagues to see!

What's my lesson today?  I think today I will just enjoy the fact that I was able to do it!  There were a few times I longed for just even a little under eye concealer and I had to smirk when I met up with a gentleman friend and one of the first things he said when we got close was "so what's with this makeup May?" He claims it's because he saw my Facebook photo and, for the sake of my ego, I will choose to go with that and not the likely reality that he wasn't sure who was approaching him until I said hello.